Broken Crayons

"But MOM, these are broken."

A friend shared a story a few weeks ago, and it made me laugh out loud because I had the same experience with my son. It was all about broken crayons.

Here is what happened....

When my son was little bitty, I got him those big fat chubby crayons for toddlers. But as he got older, I got him the traditional, slim crayons. I have always had a closet FULL of arts and crafts materials. (I love to paint and getting all crafty is one of my favorite ways to de-stress.)

My son opened up his new box of crayons and happily pulled the first one out. He was humming along and pulled out a new crayon. IT WAS BROKEN. I was doing my own thing, just waiting to see what he was going to do. He ignored it - at first.

THEN, he took a few more crayons out of the box and snapped them in half. He seemed surprised that they broke! He actually had a look on his face of utmost incredulity which quickly turned into a frown. I nearly laughed! But I held back and waited to see what would happen next.

He looked at me and said, "Mom, I need a new box of crayons."

"Son, that IS a new box."

"But Mom, these are broken!"

I took time to explain to him that HE had broken the crayons. HE had chosen to take them out of the box and snap them in half. They were broken because HE had chosen to break them.

I could see the wheels turning in his mind. It's a hard lesson that we all learn at some point. Life is given to us and sometimes there are bits and pieces that come out of the box broken. AND THEN...we sometimes break the bits and pieces ourselves. True mastery and responsibility comes as adults when we realize just where and what we have broken.

But that's a hard lesson for a kiddo, especially with a brand new box of crayons!

MOM to the rescue!

Since the tears were still threatening to fall, I showed my son how even broken crayons can still be used. I showed him how to take the paper off and turn it sideways to make a wide swath of beautiful color.

He spent the rest of the afternoon making huge rainbows with his broken crayons. Some of them he CHOSE to break just for this purpose, and some of them he CHOSE to leave intact. But it was totally his choice.

WE are the broken crayons.

The lesson he learned is far deeper than just a child's choice to make rainbows. We are the broken crayons. I don't know why some people are born with problems, disabilities and challenges. I just know that they are. Some of us are "broken" by our own bad choices. Some of us are "broken" by fate, by the choices that life throws at us.

But here is what I now - we are all broken.

But just like the crayons, each of us is still beautiful.

My life has been full of situations that have broken me down. Some I created, most I did not. I am still painting my rainbows. What about YOU?

Whatever you are facing, know that there is a truth behind each struggle. I will not dare to tell you it will be easy, or that everything will turn out "okay." Sometimes, life is a sucker punch to the head and what's broken is never fixable.

But you CAN rise up and fix what is fixable. You CAN rise up and move beyond the broken bits. You CAN learn and live and make the choices to be better, kinder, more loving to yourself and those around you. Now, THAT is how an adult makes rainbows.

Sending you my love,

Shanna

How a childhood dream was fulfilled......FINALLY!

❤️ Never give up on your dreams.

I'm 56, and finally fulfilling a childhood dream. Here is part of the story of how I came to be a hypnotherapist and spiritual counselor. I am an author and my hubby and I are publishers of a free holistic health and wellness magazine in Oklahoma. I didn't start out dreaming of becoming a hypnotherapist and spiritual counselor, but my life has come full circle because I NEVER GAVE UP ON MY DREAMS.

All my life, I have known that there is more than just what we see and experience. And I know that we are here on this Earth to do good for others. BECAUSE HERE IS A TRUTH --- Love, Kindness and Forgiveness are gifts that INCREASE when you give them away. 🎁

I have much in my life that needed those gifts. Many people who knew me in my childhood and young adult years thought I had an easy life. I was born into a "good family." We went to church every time the doors were open. I was a great student. I got a scholarship to college. I was talented. But none of that mattered. People who "knew" me didn't REALLY know me. They didn't know about the abuses and the terrors I faced.

Life nearly knocked me out, but it's hard to keep an Oklahoma country girl down!🐂🐖🐓

Learning from the bad and the good.

There are many people in my life that have helped me grow. I learned and grew from their bad, damaging, hateful, negative examples. I learned that I did NOT want to be like them, and so I became stronger, kinder, more filled with compassion. There were some lessons along the way, thankfully, from positive examples. Those lessons were the bright beacons during the dark times. But ALL of the lessons helped me grow.

And ALL of us will have dark times. We just need to keep looking for those beacons, those lighthouses that shine on the shores for ships' safe passage. We all NEED that. And at times, we all can BE that.

You will NEVER hear me judge another person - because we are all children of God. And I mean ALL of us - the thief, the rapist, the murderer, the abuser. The druggie, the sex-worker, the depressed millions who have been affected by the horrors of life. WE ARE ALL GOD'S CHILDREN.

I never judge another because I do not know the struggles they have faced that have created them and molded them into the bundle of pain that is their existence. But, I have been called to help. And that is my 100% focus. I can't reach everyone, but the ones I can reach will be loved, forgiven and blessed.

No one turned away!

After I got my son raised (and whew, was THAT a chore - LOVE him forever, but it was the biggest medical and psychological challenge of my life) I dedicated my time to learning more, getting educated and trying to find MY path. So, this coming year, I will finish up my PhD in Transpersonal Counseling. I will be offering hypnotherapy and spiritual counseling in my hometown - Tulsa, Oklahoma - and online. AND I will never turn someone away because they can't pay the full amount.

Full circle - my education has helped me reach a childhood goal!

When I was a child, I asked my parents for a comparative Bible - I wanted to know about ALL the religions of the world. I thought that there was one book that could compare different beliefs and religions. And I had a burning desire to know about other people and what they believed.

My dad told me NO. I was raised as a Christian, and I still have those deep roots, but my spiritual tree has grown. My education now has accomplished that childhood goal. In my studies for my PhD, I have learned about all of the world's religions and all the world's peoples and their mindsets and their hearts. AND WE ARE ALL THE SAME. See, we truly are ALL Children of God.

The poet Kahlil Gibran said in The Prophet - "When you love you should not say, "God is in my heart," but rather, "I am in the heart of God." Divinity, whatever your concept of God is, is TOO BIG for one small human to try to control. It is beyond our ability to even understand. We just have to rest and know that we are in the heart of God.

(I know some readers will be aggravated by what I am stating. Too many religions are tied up in division and US versus THEM thinking. Get rid of any sort of hatred in your heart - hatred for other political views, sexuality, nations, religions - get rid of it.)

❤️I have a heart full of love because I too have been abandoned and bereft at times.

❤️I have a spirit of forgiveness because I too have been beaten and left to whither and die.

❤️I have a mind full of kindness because I too have been judged severely by others and found lacking.

I am so blessed that I get to serve those who will come to me, those who will seek me out or be sent to me. It is my dream come true. Stay with me, stay connected, because some day, I may be able to serve you and help you. And if would be my privilege and honor to do so.

With all my love,

Shanna

(You can find my books on Amazon, and you can read my free magazine online - www.NAOklahoma.com - its full of health and wellness tips to help you on your healing journey!)

What I Learned in 2021

At the end of every year, I like to look back and see what I have learned. There was so much this year, but I will keep it to the top 4 things that 2021 taught me. Here goes:

1) You really do NOT know anyone.

Horrible things can happen and even the people that you think you know can look more like strangers. They might act in ways that are so far from loving that you think you are looking at a stranger instead of someone you “know.”

I have a theory about this: every person on this planet is f***ed up. And that means you, your family members and the people you think are your friends. And that means me, too. Of course, this means that we are all the same and maybe some compassion can come from that realization. It has for me. (See lesson #3) This has been a hard lesson to learn, and that is all I will say about it.

2) Do not get too attached to stuff and possessions.

Early in August, my dear little brother Joshua had a massive, hemorrhagic stroke. He is only 44 years old. I love him with all my heart. He and I have always been close, but my love was tested.

See, for the last 30+ years, meditation has been a HUGE part of my life. I escaped from a sexual assault back in college, and meditation helped me recover my mind and spirit. I have always wanted a room in my house dedicated to peace and tranquility. My husband Mark and I each have a son. Our boys are grown and living lives of their own. We had an extra room in the house, and so, this last year that dream came true – I created a beautiful meditation room.

And then Josh was life-flighted from a tiny rural town to a stroke center at a huge hospital in Tulsa, where I live. While his life hung in the balance, Mark and I made a decision that we figured would be permanent. We knew that IF my brother survived, he would not be able to get the social services and therapy he would need back in that tiny rural town. Our house is centrally located AND it is just one floor AND we have a walk-in shower. So, we decided that my brother would come live with us when he got out of the hospital.

My meditation room became the “Warner Center for Incorrigible Stroke Survivors” – aka Josh’s room. Our best guess was that he would need to live with us for a year or two while he recuperated and regained some measure of strength and health. But we were prepared for him to become a permanent resident of our household.

Now PLEASE, I do not tell you this because I want your admiration or your respect. Mark and I are not looking for any of that. We did what needed to be done. And we did it with love. And we would do it again for anyone in our family. But I pray we never have to.

Josh was able to eventually get up and walk. He got up and spoke. He got up and exercised his mind and body. He prayed. We prayed. Everyone prayed. We connected. We fed him. We clothed him. We LOVED him. And he recuperated. My little brother is kind of a little miracle. But see, that’s what love is, in any form.

And LOVE is better than stuff and possessions.

And yes, I got my Meditation Room back. And it is more beautiful than ever. It was a room dedicated to peace and tranquility, and it still is.

3) Forgiveness is the most important choice I can make every day.

This is the hardest and most important lesson I worked on this year. (This is a life lesson that will take a lifetime to learn.) This last year taught me in myriad ways to LET GO. To let go of past pain; to let go of present expectations; to let go of fear of the future. Just LET GO.

Letting go means letting forgiveness happen. Anyone who has experienced severe repeated trauma, like I have, has a lot to forgive, a lot of memories and excuses and ‘what-ifs.’ Trauma can give you plenty of self-disgust, self-loathing. It is the crazy, damaging way of trauma, that it often turns inward and causes the “victim” to fully embrace victimhood.

I f***ing refuse to be a victim. So, I practice self-forgiveness - a LOT. I forgive myself for past mistakes and immaturity. I forgive myself for stumbling here and there. I forgive myself for the crazy idea of seeking self-perfection.

Along the way, as I have long practiced self-forgiveness, I learned that everyone I interacted with also deserved and needed that same forgiveness. (See Lesson #1) I am not above anyone else. I too have struggled, made mistakes, fallen down, and risen to fall again.

I am not “more” loved or valued than the homeless person struggling with mental health or substance abuse. I am not more loved or valued than the gang member who robbed someone at gunpoint. All illusions of separation, that we are separate from each other and from our Creator, fade away when you begin practicing forgiveness.

“For forgiveness literally transforms vision, and lets you see the real world reaching quietly and gently across chaos, removing all illusions that had twisted your perception and fixed it on the past.” – A Course in Miracles.

Forgiveness, of myself and others, lets me release my own negativity and fear. It keeps me on the positive side of life. It helps establish my peace and tranquility. When I choose the practice of forgiveness, it removes the blocks to love’s awareness. It reconnects me to you, to myself, and to the Source of love.

4) I remove fear in my life by a refocus on the simple things.

The only way to deal with the pain of the present and the expectation of the future is to remove FEAR. How many people learned this last year to look at life with fear? As adults, we are constantly being taught (and therefore teaching our children) to fear life, the future, the planet, other people, nature, everything. When the television, the internet, the pulpit, the government, the people everywhere are discussing things which make you fearful, what can you do?

I refuse to live my life in fear. This is easier said than done, I know! But maybe you can do like I do and refocus on the simple things. On my personal Facebook page, at the very top, it states: “My daily must-haves: Meditation, Tea, Coffee, and spreading a message of LOVE!” My daily practices are literally the antidotes to stress, fear and worry. Find yours. (Hint: turn off the TV and social media to reconnect with positivity.)

While I let go of past pain, let go of future fear, and refocus on the simple things in life, I will let 2021 slip by. I know that 2022 will bring more challenges and joy, and more lessons to be learned.

So, bring it on! It’s time for another cup of tea anyway. I’m headed to my meditation room for some navel-gazing while I focus on forgiveness and love. I forgive 2021, and I’m already working on 2022.

May peace and tranquility be yours today!

With love,

Shanna